Everyone’s talking about: A summer of sex parties
You mean orgies?
No. This isn’t Ancient Greece. In 2022 it’s a sex party and it’s all about choice.
Why am I suddenly reading so much about sex parties?
Because they’re having a huge post-pandemic renaissance. A recent headline in the New York Post screamed: ‘NYC ready for threesomes, sex parties after disappointing hot vax summer.’ The intellectual reading of the situation is that we’ve had months of lockdowns in which to reach a deeper understanding and acceptance of our sexuality. The less lofty (but possibly more accurate) viewpoint is that sex has been in short supply and now it’s back on the menu we’re really going for it.
Hasn’t Silvio Berlusconi tarnished their image, though?
The former Italian Prime Minister’s ‘bunga bunga’ parties weren’t open to the public – much to the relief of just about everyone.
But if it’s a real trend, wouldn’t celebrities be doing it?
Fair point, but give it time because this thing definitely hasn’t peaked yet. As YOU went to press, in fact, celebrity blogger and author Zoella (right), 32, had just posted a piece entitled ‘What It’s Really Like to Attend a Sex Party IRL.’
Everyone’s talking about: A summer of sex parties (stock image)
Zoella went to a sex party?
No, actually, she got a couple called Abbie and Emma to go for her. They seemed to like it, though, especially the ‘play room’ and the ‘large spa bath’. And according to zoella.co.uk: ‘Contrary to popular belief, sex parties aren’t reserved for the sex-mad, they’re for ordinary folk: lawyers, teachers, writers, doctors, stylists, financial advisors and accountants.’
It’s not about sex, then?
It can be… but it doesn’t have to be. Think ‘option’ rather than ‘obligation’. At a recent LGBTQ+ sex party in London’s East End, strict anti-harassment policies were enforced by ‘armband wearers’. There was a ‘gentle, respectful vibe’, according to Yas Necati, gender columnist for the people of colour magazine Gal-Dem, who wore a ‘cute harness and tight shorts’.
So, what else can I do at a sex party?
That all depends on what floats your boat. One organiser of hedonistic dinner parties advertises a four-course meal cooked by a private chef with after-dinner ‘play’. Another can provide tea, biscuits and cushions in a ‘quiet space’.
This all sounds very woke…
Correct. Expect details on the organiser’s mutual-aid ticketing scheme for those on low incomes way before you find out the fetishes they cater for.
I’m guessing gimp masks are banned?
Not at all. Most organisers encourage partygoers to dress up, and bondage-wear is still going strong. You’re just asked to be tolerant of those who don’t do skintight rubber. It’s referred to as being ‘sex positive’. Also, anything too restrictive might be a look to avoid if you’re booking the four-course meal. We understand lasagne is sometimes served.
Lasagne in a dungeon?
No, we think you mean ‘restrictive wellness space’.
Talk me through the dress code.
Remember, the new-gen sex party is ultra-inclusive, so guests are encouraged to experiment. Probably don’t bother so much with the sequined/feathered mask (a bit Stanley Kubrick-y) –and no jeans. Some things in clubland will always be sacred.
I’m tempted but I’m nervous someone will find out…
That, we’re sorry to say, is a classic 1990s attitude. Cast off your inhibitions; they’re very ageing. One London-based extreme fetish fantasy party (where phones are banned) reports having to construct a photo booth for their Instagram-obsessed clientele. In America the concept of sex parties is almost embarrassingly conventional. The online lifestyle platform InsideHook recently wrote: ‘Over the last decade, sex clubs and parties have shifted from the stuff of underground lore to an almost ho-hum fixture of modern American life.’
Sold. Tell me how to open the conversation when I arrive…
Where’s the samovar? I’d kill for a turmeric tea.
Any remarks to avoid?
Has anyone seen Eyes Wide Shut?