‘Helldivers 2’ Bans ‘Procreation’ After Players Fail A Major Order

The terms “ongoing story” and “living, breathing world” have been fixtures when talking about dynamic video games, or more recently live services, for years now. But Helldivers 2 is finally a game that seems to actually grasp those concepts in full.

The GM-run galactic war that players participate in every week is extremely unpredictable. No one knows exactly when new Major Orders will come in, what they will be asking players to do, and what will happen if players succeed or fail with their tasks. Now, we have a pretty hilarious development after players failed what seemed like a more or less impossible Major Order to take two specific planets in a little under three days.

As a result of that failure, a new dispatch was issued to players. One that bans sex. Or at the very least, procreation. What? Yeah, well, here it is:

MAJOR ORDER FAILED – Though many Terminids have been mercifully culled, the Helldivers were unable to penetrate as far inside the Quarantine Zone as ordered. The expansion of our citizens to new planets will be reduced in line with the reduction of expected Element 710 to be produced. Further procreation applications will be denied until further notice.

So, the in-universe lore says that you cannot have any more kids because the Helldivers messed up. Not perhaps a full sex ban but uh, you might want to be careful lest your risk the wrath of the government. Element 710 is a somewhat nebulous concept in the Helldivers 2 universe, but it’s the driving force for much of the universal expansion. It has not been lost on players that it is “OIL” when you turn the numbers upside down.

Helldivers 2 continues to be just consistently an extremely funny game. Both in moment to moment chaos in gameplay itself, especially goofing around with friends in a game when friendly fire is permanently turned on. But also in how it’s being run with the Starship Troopers-like fascism masquerading as patriotism storylines that have players taking sides. Mostly the side of democracy, of course.

As for this week, players are being tasked with taking and holding four different planets in the same two regions as last time until the order expires in three days. Scientists are processing “inert Terminids” on world’s we have already conquered, and my guess is that perhaps they will not stay so inert for long, just like the flying Terminids that are now swarming everywhere coincidentally after we just released a bunch of bug spray in the area. Stay tuned for whatever craziness happens next.

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