Quick – someone get Secretary of State Antony Blinken an inflated rubber ring to sit on.
After watching him grimace, as President Joe Biden blundered his way through an APEC news conference, I’m convinced that Tony has a hemorrhoid the size of Mount Vesuvius.
Or could it be he knows that every time old Joe opens his mouth it’s a huge honking disaster?
‘Mr. President… would you still refer to President Xi as a dictator?’ a reporter asked on Wednesday night.
A camera showed Blinken sitting in the front row of the audience. You can literally see him gird his loins for Biden’s response.
‘Look, he is,’ blurted Joe. ‘He’s a dictator in the sense that he’s a guy who runs a country that is a communist country that’s based on a form of government totally different than ours.’
D’oh! You were so close, Tony.
You nearly threaded the needle and pulled off a carefully choreographed international summit with a genocidal communist autocrat. But alas, loose lips Biden sunk the ship of state yet again.
Is it really any wonder that even White House staff have concluded that Joe isn’t fit to order takeout let alone campaign for president?
For that’s the reporting from veteran journalist, establishment elbow-rubber and DC canapé-nibbler Jonathan Martin.
‘Biden will not be able to govern and campaign in the manner of previous incumbents,’ wrote Martin for Politico.
And here’s the kicker: ‘[Biden] simply does not have the capacity to do it, and his staff doesn’t trust him to even try, as they make clear by blocking him from the press.’
His ‘staff’ doesn’t ‘trust him’?
Yeah, that sounds about right.
These days it’s hard for the President to get through a single public appearance without an apparent senior moment.
As world leaders posed for a photo-op on Thursday night, Joe swiveled around, appeared to be confused, then awkwardly shook the hand of the President of Indonesia, who looked as bewildered as everyone else.
Yes, Biden’s as sharp as a marshmallow and voters know it.
How dire is it?
Martin points to two new polls showing President Prune Face being bested by President Cheetoh Face in key 2024 battleground states.
Yet Biden’s lackeys, flacks and embalmers publicly claim that this is no cause for alarm: We are a year away from the election, you silly gooses!
Sure, but the President is older than a Paleozoic worm fossil, and until a crack team of anti-aging scientists figure out how to reverse the decline, he won’t be improving on the stump any time soon.
Just look at recent alarming gaffes, like this Veteran’s Day when he pulled a card out of his pocket tallying the 7,036 service members who lost their lives in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Problem was, it was Veteran’s Day, not Memorial Day. And the heroes he’s paying tribute to are very much alive.
Biden’s biggest political liability is one that he just can’t fix – his age.
He turns 81 on Monday. He’ll be turning 82 just after Americans vote next year.
If the White House has no faith in him to handle the rigors of a campaign now, what condition will he be in then?
Plus, the world is currently imploding on several fronts and Biden’s ineptitude can only make folks more nervous about the prospect of their military heroes being sucked into conflicts from Gaza to Taiwan.
Whatever will Democrats do?
There are proposals to lure Bill and Hillary Clinton away from their skirt chasing and self-pity tour, respectively, to help bear the burden and shepherd us all down a road to peace in the Middle East.
Yeah, right. Me Too and Me Never belong as close to a hot war as Chris Christie does to a hot plate at a $5 Golden Corral all-you-eat buffet.
There are suggestions that Biden snuggle up to Joe Manchin, Mitt Romney and Liz Cheney for a weird inter-party tickle fest.
As Politico’s Jonathan Martin writes: Biden ‘must smother Manchin with kindness and keep him in the Democratic tent.’
We’ve seen what happens when Grandpa Munster smothers women and children on the campaign trail.
Well, I have a plan.
When a busy incumbent president campaigns for re-election from the comforts of the White House it’s called a ‘Rose Garden campaign.’
For Biden, I’m coining a new term: ‘The Nursing Home campaign.’
It’ll be awesome.
Over canned peaches and jello in the Lincoln bedroom, the President can hold boisterous campaign rallies over Zoom.
He’ll debate Donald Trump via text message. Though they’ll probably need to recruit granddaughter Naomi to operate that newfangled device they call an iPhone.
And instead of having Joe walk the rope line shaking hands and kissing babies, they’ll bring the rope line to him. Just dangle his arm outside the Oval Office window and ask his admirers to queue up.
Could it work? Sadly, no.
It’s not the messenger or the message.
We’ve all lived through the drama and impeachments, the pandemic and its aftermath, and guess what?
For most people, finances are still bad, and the world is tearing apart at the seams.
It’s not a lack of oppo research or negative news stories on Trump that’s fueling the nation’s distaste for this deteriorating dolt.
It’s our inability to buy groceries, the fear of losing global wars and the reality that cities are being gobbled up by criminal hobos that have Americans hankering for a guy, damaged as he may be, who seems to relish fighting for the Forgotten Man.
Another four years of the Forgetting Man is a little too much to stomach.
People are far too steeped in this Cuppa Joe.
So, be my guest.
Go Full ‘Weekend at Bidens’ and strap Joe to Jason Momoa’s back and drop them into the Democratic Convention. It won’t make a difference.
Americans won’t be fooled by a juvenile list of idiot fixes.
The Biden Presidency has flatlined.