Joey Essex discovers his fear of abandonment is holding him back from finding ‘true love’ as he explores the impact of his mother’s suicide in a new BBC3 documentary.
During the show, Joey breaks down in tears as he says his grief of losing his mum has made him push away his previous girlfriends, fearing they would leave him like his mother.
Mental health: Joey Essex discovers his fear of abandonment is holding him back from finding ‘true love’ as he explores the impact of his mother’s suicide in a new BBC3 documentary
In the documentary, Joey Essex: Grief and Me, the reality star says according to The Sun: ‘My mum loved me, but she left me. I just think to myself: “If she loved me that much, why would she leave me?”
‘I’ve had loads of relationships but I always end up pushing them away.
‘Imagine if I was with someone and I had kids with them and I really did love that person and then she left me. I wouldn’t know what to do. I’m already thinking we’re going to break up before we’re together. I’m pushing it away.’
Heartbreak: The former TOWIE star, 30, was just ten-years-old when his mother Tina took her own life after battling depression
Joey says his life has been too ‘painful’ and he doesn’t want a partner ‘to go through what I’ve been through’, but is wants to be able to find ‘true love’.
Since making his appearance on TOWIE in 2011, the television personality has had a number of high-profile romances, including an engagement to Sam Faiers and relationships with Amber Turner, Amy Willerton and Stephanie Pratt.
Joey also starred on the E4 show Celebs Go Dating in the hope of finding love.
First love: Joey says his grief of losing his mum has made him push away his previous girlfriends, fearing they would leave him like his mother (pictured with ex Sam Faiers in 2013)
Past romance: Joey was also linked to Amy Willerton after their stint in the I’m A Celebrity jungle (pictured in 2013)
Ex: Joey dated Lorena Medina (pictured) early last year and most recently split from Brazilian model Brenda Santos last September
He most recently split from Brazilian model Brenda Santos last September after five months of dating.
In the documentary, Joey visits clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr Stephen Blumentha where he explores the root cause behind his anxiety and panic attacks.
The television personality speaks about the impact of his mother’s death in psychotherapy sessions and hopes the therapy will “change my life”.
The reality star says he used to wake up in the night screaming: “Tell mum I love her”.
In the years that past since Tina’s tragic death, Joey admits he ‘tried everything’ but nothing would fill his mother’s void.
Siblings: Tina died when Joey was just ten and his older sister Frankie was 13 (they are pictured together last year)
The Celebrity SAS star is also told he has created a series of personality ‘masks’ to help him deal with the trauma he endured as a child and being in the public eye.
Last year, Joey moved viewers to tears as he emotionally discussed his mother’s suicide on the survival show Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins.
Joey told the show hosts that he was only able to say the word ‘mum’ in recent years.
He then told the officers: ‘I believe I am tough inside. Growing up wasn’t easy.’
When they pressed him on why, he said: ‘I had to deal with a lot of s**t. My mum committed suicide when I was 10 which was difficult.
‘It hardened me up a little bit. I can’t explain it. It’s made me tougher inside.’
Joey then emotionally revealed: ‘I only sort of started being able to talk about it openly, saying the word mum three or four years ago.’
He continued: ‘I know my mum loved me. But it has given me trust issues. One day she was there one day she was gone.’
Joey Essex: Grief and Me will be available on BBC iPlayer from 6am on June 3 and on BBC1 at 9pm.
If you have been affected by this story, you can call the Samaritans on 116 123 or visit www.samaritans.org
Emotional: Last year, Joey moved viewers to tears when discussing his mother’s suicide on the survival show Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins