- A mom has shared she opened a savings account for her biological kids
- The unnamed woman revealed she didn’t want to open one for her stepdaughter
- She questioned if she was in the wrong on Reddit, with many weighing in
A mom has sparked furious debate after revealing she opened a savings account for her biological children, but not her stepdaughter as she was not her ‘responsibility.’
The anonymous mother-of-two took to Reddit to share that she had been putting money aside for her three-year-old daughter and one-year-old son since she was pregnant.
But she then shared that she had not done the same for her eight-year-old stepdaughter despite being actively involved in her life since she was just four.
The woman said she didn’t see why she should have to save money for her in addition to her biological children.
She took to the social media platform to question if she was in the wrong for not putting funds aside for her ‘bonus child’ in the Am I the A**hole subreddit.
At the beginning of the post, the mom explained that she had no children before meeting her husband, however, he had a four-year-old daughter from a previous relationship.
She noted that she took care of her stepdaughter for half a year, while her biological mother ‘got her stuff together.’
The mom explained: ‘All of that to say; since she was four I have taken an active role in parenting/nurturing her even when I was told I’m not her mother and have no say even though I did/do 99 per cent of her care and needs when she is with us.’
She then shifted the conversation to her biological children.
‘I got pregnant quick (four months together). And had my first, three, and then my second, one, when my first was eight months old. When I found out I was pregnant I immediately started a savings account and routed money to there every pay period,’ she added.
‘Once I got pregnant again I doubled the amount so that my kids could have an equal amount. I told my partner about this in passing but he didn’t really care. He doesn’t contribute to the account it’s only me and I’m the only one with access. ‘
The mom-of-two went on to say that she had discussed opening a savings account for her bonus child with her husband, adding that she attempted to persuade him to open an account for her that he could share with his ex.
She added that they left it ‘at that’ and she didn’t ask anymore questions because ‘she’s not my kid.’
The mom said that the topic came back up when she was spending some time with a few pals and told them that both of her biological children have account set up with money for them, however, her stepchild did not.
‘They asked about my bonus daughter and I said, “I will ensure she is safe, fed, and knows she is loved when she is with us but she’s not my child or my responsibility so why would I take away from my biological kids to give to her when she has two parents that can do for her what I do for mine alone,”‘ she said.
‘I got some push back that if I accepted him then that means I accept her and should do and treat her like I birthed her too.
‘I agree which is why I make it a point to buy her what I buy my kids and treat her as such when she’s with us. Most strangers don’t know she’s not mine unless we tell them. But I don’t see why I have to do what her parents don’t care to.’
At the end of the post, she questioned if she was an ‘a**hole’ for starting a savings account for her stepdaughter despite being the ‘sole contributor’ of her biological kids’ accounts.
People flooded the comments section, with many of them claiming the mom was ‘callus’ and ‘cold’ for not including her stepchild.
One person said: ‘Not the a**hole, but the way you talk about your responsibility to her vs your kids is cold as f***. It comes off as mean and cold hearted and though with your updates it seems it’s just an issue with the way you write.’
Someone else commented: ‘Please don’t call her a bonus daughter. It’s degrading. She’s a stepdaughter.
‘If she lives with you full time, have her father set one up for her and he can contribute. He won’t do it himself, so do it for him.’
Another user added: ‘You act like its impossible to find a way to save for the bonus daughter without giving the biomother access the funds which just isn’t true. You can literally keep the money in your own savings account and give to to bonus daughter at 18.
‘Also OP, while you are not the a**hole for not saving, you might be the a**hole for failing your children and building resentment between the siblings. How will your bonus daughter react when she realizes her half siblings have the savings for a successful future and she has jack shit? Unfortunately, I think you’ll take the blame for it.
‘I think you will avoid a lot of resentment from bonus daughter by treating her as an equal member the family regardless of which parent is stepping up.’
Someone else added: ‘I’m sorry but calling her a bonus daughter is really, really weird. You’re not the a**hole for keeping your savings for your bio kids, but this is just weird. I wouldn’t call my step daughter a bonus child.’
‘You’re the a**hole. You cannot say you treat her as your own but then provide only for two of the three. You know this will cause hard feelings later. You already said the mom is worthless, so you know she won’t do it. You and your husband need to talk about how you will provide for the three. If mom does come through at some point, you can always reallocate the money you saved,’ one person wrote.
However, the majority of users flooded the comments section and ran to her defense.
One person said: ‘Not the a**hole. Her mom and dad can contribute. Your husband isn’t even contributing to the kids you share. You don’t need to contribute to your step daughter.’
Someone else added: ‘Not the a**hole… your husband can open a savings account and start catching up to what you have got saved. He doesn’t contribute to the savings you started for your two, surely he can catch up with just the one.’
‘He’s not contributing anything to yours, so you don’t have to pay for his. Simple math,’ another commented.
‘Not the a**hole, but, sadly, you’re the only one who’s going to do it. The other two can’t be bothered,’ one commenter wrote.
One user added: ‘Not the a**hole. She has two parents who made it abundantly clear that you aren’t her mom. They can fund an account for her.’
‘Not the a**hole but your husband is. He should be saving for all three of his children. You are solely responsible for saving for your children right now, and that is a shame since he should be saving too,’ a sixth person chimed in.
‘You aren’t responsible for saving for your stepchild. But I would advise that you stop sharing this info with friends. People will judge you unfairly even if they would make the same choice in your shoes.’
One person added: ‘Not the a**hole. She has two biological parents who are financially responsible for her and should have started something years ago.
‘It is not your responsibility or issue to have to deal with. It would be different if you adopted her which would transfer financial responsibility.’
A Redditor wrote: ‘Not the a**hole. You sound like a wonderful bonus mother. Her bio mum and dad should be contributing to a savings account for her. You certainly are not obligated to, especially when you are saving for your two bio kids. Anyone who has an issue with it can open their wallets, you have already opened your home and your heart to this girl. ‘
‘Not the a**hole. I must say, you sound like the only parent for all the children, but your stepdaughter has in fact two. This serious stuff is their responsibility not yours,’ one commenter declared.
After reading the criticism to her post, the mom revealed she would be discussing the possibility of opening a secret savings account for her stepdaughter with her husband.