My husband wants to move his mother with dementia in – i want to leave

A woman has been flooded with empathy after she revealed that she was contemplating leaving her husband of eight years – because he wants to move in his mother who has dementia.

The anonymous woman, who is believed to be US based, took to a Reddit forum to query if she was wrong for wanting to leave her her ‘devastated’ husband if he moves his unwell mother in.

The woman, who along with her husband is in her early 20s, explained that her partner’s 68-year-old mother had been diagnosed with dementia after showcasing signs for two years.

But she has been left at odds on what to do after her brother was left ‘disappointed’ by her idea, as well as her parents telling her she was ‘unreasonable’ to think in such a way.

People have flooded the post with an overwhelming amount of understanding, with many recommending they place the mother in assisted care facility.

A woman, who is believed to be from the US, has been left torn after her husband shared that he wanted to move in his mother who suffers with dementia (stock image)

The wife is considering leaving her husband of eight years as she does not want to potentially put her life on hold for two decades. She does not believe he could balance loving both equally and that their relationship would 'rightfully' take a backseat

On Reddit, the wife explained that she does not want her unwell mother-in-law to reside in their home, despite the elderly woman ‘not having much to her name’.

She raised her fears it could negatively impact her future plans for children, with her relationship with her own husband potentially shifting into ‘an afterthought’.

The wife told Reddit users that she had no desire to put her life on hold for possibly two decades, as her mother-in-law has no other health complications.

She also revealed to her brother that she would also put her parents in a nursing home if they found themselves in a similar situation to her husband’s. 

The woman clarified: ‘While harsh I did not sign up to share a home with either of our parents 

‘I want to have children someday. Raising a child while living with someone with dementia sounds like hell.’

According to the poster, she has come to find that situations like her and her partner’s ‘hardly work out’, after joining numerous support groups and forums on the topic. 

Her husband pleaded for her not to follow through on her idea, stating that they would be able to persevere. However, his position on his mother’s care remains the same. 

She has been met with mountains of sympathy and advice as she shared her brother and parents were against her thought process. Her husband also pleaded with her not to follow through on her departure plan

He is unwilling to place his mother into a nursing home, and if he made the unlikely move it would be a private facility, according to the wife, and it also could become a ‘major financial commitment.’

She elaborated that she did not want to appear as ‘jealous’ or ‘petty’ for her wishes,  alleging to not have the ability to keep up with the ill mother-in-law.

While the her own parents have told her she has made committed vow to her husband, the woman remains torn on whether to cut ties or stay with the man she loves or to press pause on her life.

She added: ‘He will wear himself out trying to love both of us equally. It is just not possible for him.’

Reddit took to the comment section to offer their support and guidance, with many sharing their own experiences.

One person commented: ‘Dementia is HELL on earth for the patient and the caregivers. Hell. 

‘Anyone calling you an AH hasn’t dealt with the full hellscape that is Dementia.’

Another shared their own experience adding: ‘Sundowning is terrible, and patients can become violent. That is not a good environment to raise kids in. 

‘Especially small kids. My grandmother had dementia and sundowned terribly.’

One user chimed in: ‘Better or worse does not include caring for his mother in your home.

‘It if ok to set boundaries for yourself, the choice is really his to make once you set them.’

One commenter wrote: ‘Been there, done that. Your husband has good intentions bur no idea what he’s getting into. 

‘My mental health deteriorated to the point of medication and job loss. It’s a no win situation.’


Related posts