Supermodel Paulina Porizkova has once again opened up about her ongoing struggle to deal with the loss of her late husband Ric Ocasek, sharing her heartache at packing up his belongings, 11 months after he passed away.
The 55-year-old has been incredibly candid about her grieving process in the months since the Cars frontman passed away, and in a post shared to her Instagram account on Tuesday, she detailed the painful process of ‘letting go of things’, while sharing an image of herself cradling one of Ocasek’s belongings.
‘Beginning the process of letting go of things – letting go of thirty years – letting go of everything I’ve known – everything that made me feel safe,’ she captioned the photo, which shows her kneeling on the ground, with a blanket clasped in her arms and her face in the fabric.
Emotional: Paulina Porizkova shared a heartbreaking image of herself packing up her late husband Ric Ocasek’s belongings on Tuesday afternoon
Candid: Alongside the image, the 55-year-old supermodel opened up about her ongoing grief, writing that she was ‘beginning the process of letting go of things’
She continued: ‘Today is not good day. But I know I have to keep moving. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.’
Although Paulina did not share any more details about what she was doing in her most recent Instagram post, she gave further insight into her emotion state by adding the hashtags #sad, #overwhelmed, #feelinglonely, and #theendisjustthebeginning.
The image comes two weeks before the anniversary of Ocasek’s death; the rocker died on September 15, 2019, while recovering from a surgery, and it was Paulina who found his body in their Manhattan townhouse.
A New York City medical examiner later determined that he died from hypertensive and atherosclerotic cardiovascular disease with pulmonary emphysema being a contributing factor.
Throughout the 11-and-a-half months since Ric’s passing, Paulina has shared regular updates about how she has been dealing with her emotions, revealing in October 2019 that his death was ‘the end of her world as she knew it’.
‘Ric and I have been separated for nearly three years now,’ she wrote at the time. ‘But we still lived together and still filled the family car. Everyone who knew Ric knew that he could be aloof. And not particularly social. But when he decided to turn his focus on you, it was as if the sun came out.
Connection: Paulina married Ric in August 1989, after meeting the singer on set while The Cars were filming the music video for Drive in 1984 (pictured together in 2018)
Memories: Ric passed away on September 15 at the age of 75, two years after he and Paulina quietly separated (pictured in 1990)
‘His smile and his gaze warmed you and made you feel like the most special person in the world. I had that gaze and smile on me for most of my life.
‘For a long long time, no one could make me feels [sic] as loved as Ric. He was my sun,’ she recalled. ‘With this, I don’t mean my sunshine, no, Ric could be pretty gloomy.
‘In fact, when we first met, he reveled in his nickname “the Master of Doom”. But in my universe, it was where he rose and where he set that was the point to which I oriented myself,’ she explained.
‘Like a plant, I tilted my head to catch his rays. Our separation didn’t alter this one bit. He was rising and setting and I planned my life around it as one does a day: depending on the position of the sun in the sky: you’ll have breakfast or go to work or dinner with your friends.
‘His death is the end of my world as I knew it.’
Paulina married Ric in August 1989, after meeting the singer on set while The Cars were filming the music video for Drive in 1984, and the pair – who had two sons together – enjoyed more than 30 years of marriage before quietly separating in 2017.
Support: During the pandemic, Paulina has been quarantining in upstate New York with her family, including her son Oliver (pictured) and their cat Oskar
Entertainer: Paulina has kept her Instagram followers incredibly entertained with her candid updates from quarantine, regularly documenting her most interesting ensembles
In January of this year, she admitted that she was struggling with depression in the wake of his death, but said that she was trying to process her sorrow before turning to medication.
One month later, during an appearance on CBS This Morning – her first interview since her husband’s passing – she opened up about her conflicting feelings for Ric, noting that, in addition to her overwhelming grief, she also felt hurt and betrayed by his decision to cut her out of his will, writing in the document that she had ‘abandoned him’.
According to Page Six, the will read: ‘I have made no provision for my wife Paulina Porizkova as we are in the process of divorcing. Even if I should die before our divorce is final … Paulina is not entitled to any elective share … because she has abandoned me.’
During her televised sit-down, Paulina confessed that the instruction had left her devastated, saying: ‘I would love to be able to be sad and miss him, and not also feel this incredible hurt and betrayal.’
Paulina’s latest Instagram post prompted an outpouring of sympathy from her followers, many of whom commented with words of love and well wishes, while others praised her ‘strength’.
‘Lots of love coming your way, Paulina. Keep moving,’ poet Maggie Smith wrote, while the model’s fellow Sports Illustrated Swimsuit star Hunter McGrady commented: ‘You’re an angel and I’m sending so much love during this time.’
Family: The fashion favorite had two sons, Jonathan and Oliver, with her estranged husband, and previously spoke out to reveal just how much they ‘adored’ their father (pictured in 2016)
Upset: Earlier this year, Paulina confessed that she felt ‘hurt’ and ‘betrayed’ by Ric’s decision to cut her out of the will – insisting that his estranged wife had ‘abandoned him’ (pictured in 2018)
However, the fashion favorite has thankfully had some time to deal with her ongoing grief privately while quarantining with her family and friends in upstate New York – an experience that she has regularly documented in a series of Instagram posts, in which she shares both the happiest of times, and glimpses into her emotional state.
On Monday, she shared a photo of her son Oliver holding the family’s pet cat Oskar – who had been given a medical mask to match his owner’s – revealing that the family was back in New York City in order to visit the vet ‘for a dental’.
Paulina has also kept her followers entertained with candid images of herself modeling bathing suits and funky quarantine ensembles, many of which feature retro items that she appears to have found around the house.