The lack of locksmiths in soapland is something I have long bemoaned. Why more homes, with their flimsy locks, are not burgled is a mystery; you could open just about every door with little effort.
Given soapland’s game of musical houses, the locksmith could also make a fortune cutting keys; but have you noticed that nobody, when they move into a new place, ever gets a set cut?
This week, in Coronation Street, Roy moves in with Tyrone following a problem at the cafe, while Carla and Peter go to Ken’s. How does anyone ever get in and out when nobody bothers to have keys made?
It’s the same in EastEnders. Jack is supposedly buying up half of Walford, yet he’s never uttered a line of dialogue about picking up the keys to any of his properties. Then there’s the game of musical shops/cafes/bars/restaurants/garages. Have you ever seen Kaffy with keys for the Prince Albert? Did Masood hand over the keys for Walford East to Max when he did a flit?
Come on, Timpson. You’re the leading name in the key-cutting and locksmith business in the country and you haven’t spotted this opportunity for growth?
Kelly (Millie Gibson) tracks Gary (Mikey North) down, demanding to know what happened to her Dad
The Army was a walk in the park compared to Gary’s life in Weatherfield. How much more misery are they going to inflict on the man? As if almost losing his life at the hands of loan shark Rick wasn’t enough, now he’s got Kelly snooping around, demanding to know what happened to her dad. Gary gets caught in a web of lies so vast you’d have to be Houdini to get yourself out of them. On top of the Rick situation, Sarah tells Adam that she thinks Gary was involved in the roof collapse, which creates a whole host of other problems for him. Why is he not on the first bus out of there?
‘Nice angles on your face.’
Prisoner to Nick, Corrie
The Eastern European plot thickens when Eileen confronts Jan about his past (it’s not about his mum’s recipe for Polish sausage stew). Has she fallen for a wrong ’un again? Duh! Does the UK employ Polish plumbers?!
Maria is still intent on getting a love life, failing to notice that Liam’s had no food since Christmas. After another disastrous week involving a man who likes to dress as a dog (yes, really), she hooks up with Ali and a bottle of wine. And we all know where that leads – as in ‘goes’, not ‘Let’s go walkies’.
Adam (Stephen Rahman-Hughes) panics when Jack knocks on the door while he is in bed with Habiba (Rukku Nahar) in EastEnders. Will Adam choose one woman over the other?
Why do the residents of Walford have such awful bedding? More to the point, why do they have such awful bedding that is never taken to the launderette to get washed? Under the grubby, un-matching linen at the moment are Adam and Habiba, and when Jack clocks a half-dressed Habiba, Adam tells his lover off – and it’s not because she hasn’t changed the sheets. Will Honey discover their secret? Will Adam choose one woman over the other? Or is this yet another storyline planned for a Christmas Day showdown? Ah, if only we cared about the pair. Well rid, I say, Honey.
‘I was just trying to help.’
Gail to Leanne, Corrie
The new Ben (a truly impressive Max Bowden) continues to get under Phil’s skin when the latter is irritated by his son’s irresponsible behaviour. Er, the words pot, kettle and black spring to mind. But what’s really behind Ben’s latest antics, and what causes him to get into a fight? You’d think he’d just want to hang out at the Prince Albert every night – although to be honest, as gay bars go, you’d see more action in the Trumpton Tavern.
It’s hard to believe there is yet another Missing Money storyline going on. Is it the same MM from last year, or a new batch? I lose count. Anyway, it’s Phil’s MM again when the Slaters are horrified to learn Phil knows they have the dosh. Phew. Keeping up? And please, somebody, buy Phil a wallet for Christmas – or a black horse with a big saddlebag from Lloyds Bank. Too much MM.
Jacob (Joe-Warren Plant) turns up at the hospital to support his dad David (Matthew Wolfenden) who is awaiting his results
Blood is thicker than water. That’s what David must be thinking when Jacob turns up at the hospital to support his dad awaiting his results. How long will the bonding session be? If previous evidence is anything to go by, a nanosecond. And is that a pot plant behind David, or has he taken to wearing tribal headdress? Just asking, as nothing would surprise me in that family.
Vanessa throws an engagement party for Pete and Rhona. But guess what? That joy is short-lived, too, as the enormity of it all gets to the less-than-happy couple. It’s a party, for goodness sake. Dump each other later!